Taxidermy Adventures

I’m a card-carrying taxidermy fanatic. Fortunately, Brighton – with its weird Victoriana fetish and oodles of old trinket emporiums – is pretty much the hotspot of taxidermy these days so I’m in good company! I’m fifteen minutes down the road from the Booth Museum, Eaton Nott and Snoopers’ Paradise, so I have all the borax and wood-wool stuffed critters I could ever hope for.

Recently I booked myself a place at a workshop with the London Taxidermy Academy. They’re great because they run very small classes, with a maximum of around six people (there were four at mine), so you get a lot of guidance and attention from the intense and heavily bearded tutor, Lee Paton. The class was so much fun, and the process is very therapeutic. It’s much easier and far less gory than you’d think – unless you accidentally stab the guts and spill mouse soup everywhere, like my classmate did.

So without further ado, here’s how to skin, clean, stuff and sew a little mouse! It’s under a cut, because I know some of you are a bit sensitive 😉

Continue reading Taxidermy Adventures

Ideas for a Roller Derby Valentine’s Day

We’re halfway through February. Not only does this indicate that we’re nearly at the end of a miserable rainy winter, it means that in a few weeks’ time we’ll be able to skate outdoors again, eat grilled meat and drink in beer gardens.

Oh, also it’s Valentine’s Day on Friday.

image: forkparty.com

If you are the kind of person for whom Valentine’s Day is just a repulsive celebration of forced sentimentality and hackneyed satin-covered doe-eyed ‘feelings’, then great. Join the masses. If, instead, Valentine’s Day means microwaving a roast dinner for one, then that’s great too. In its own way.

But what if you kind of, you know, want to celebrate your affections for a derby person? After all, the definition of a ‘partner’ is someone who you fart in front of, share chips with, and occasionally hump (if you’ve been good.) Somehow, it seems only fair to go along with Valentine’s Day for SOME of the ride – if only to let your person know that you don’t mind how bad they smell after training. Here are some ‘romantic’ ideas to help you get down with a roller derby Valentine’s Day.

  1. Wash each other’s pads
image: best-tec.com

Everyone has their own post-derby fragrance. Somehow your own doesn’t seem too bad, but the warm-parmesan-and-raw-meat smell of your loved one’s wristguards can be a truly testing experience – and washing someone else’s is a pure and beautiful act of love. Put on a respirator if you have to, and get some tongs. Quickly and without  vomiting, stuff gaskets, elbow pads, wristguards, and the squishy bit inside their knee-pads into a pillowcase. Tie a knot in the top so the pads don’t infect everything else in there. Wash as many times as it needs and hang those not-so-pungent articles out to dry. If you can get through this, your relationship will survive anything.

2. Scare them with home-made sex toys.

image: fdp.pl

No-one really knows what to say when presented with a translucent vibrating shape. Generally sex toys are a bit expensive, a bit naff and a bit overrated – and the amount of pressure on the recipient of the rampant rabbit to act pleased and not slightly unnerved is unfair. But why settle for a shadow of uneasiness on their face when you could have A HOME-MADE MASK OF TERROR? Duct tape a cheese-grater to a pair of pants, or draw a pair of tits on a toy dinosaur. Fix a maniacal grin to your face as they unwrap it, and bingo. Instant gratification.

3. Groupon vouchers

image: slate.com

Every day I’m bombarded with Groupon offers for things like ‘romantic escapes to Cornwall’, ‘dinner for two at a three star restaurant in Hastings’ and ‘500 edible roses’, etc. Traditional romantic gestures through Groupon smack of insincerity and desperation, but let’s not be unfair on Groupon. It is a treasure trove of cheap gifts. Instead of trudging to Cornwall in the rain, where you’ll be too grumpy to do anything, Groupon instead offers:

Laser Lipolysis, only £59!

Driving lessons! £15!

£40 towards plant products!

An MOT for £19!

An online accounting course, £60!

 4. Sexy lingerie… sort of

image: neverundressed.com

Your average derby girl will spurn a lacy Ann Summers thong in favour of comfy spandex knickers. For men, it can be the opposite, but it depends who you’re dating. To be honest, the pH level of the sweat that trickles down into your blocker’s butt-crack means that pretty girly underwear will dissolve like a Berocca, so sexy underwear is not the way forward. Instead, I recommend butt padding. Nothing says ‘you’re alright by me’ like a well-protected coccyx.

5. Write them a song

image: wordpress.com

If you’re musical, you might want to put two rubber bands over a Tupperware for a makeshift guitar and write a song about how much you love your sentient flesh accessory. It has to rhyme, you have to sing, and you are only allowed to use five different words. Record it, or give them a post-coital performance. For example:

In the key of C:

Baby, we got a bath

Bath, got a we baby

Got a we baby bath

Baby bath got a we

(Repeat until single)

Have a successful Friday.

Tiny teeth, beautiful bugs

Hey all,

As some of you know, I have a little shop called Lily’s Shop of Horrors 🙂 you can find my shop on Facebook and on Etsy.

I sell pretty handmade jewellery made of bones, teeth, dead insects and the like, as well as some little Breaking Bad bits and pieces (because I am OBSESSED with that show.)

Here are some photos of my stuff! If you’d like to buy something, drop me a line on my facebook shop (prices are all on there) or send an email to lily.liar@gmail.com.

202720_798167010209460_262943334_oBee in a bottle! £8 + P&P

1008620_798167240209437_2111905400_oOak eggar moth wing (female), £8 + P&P

905385_798166900209471_206868984_o 1506268_798166926876135_1444758737_o 1518226_798167456876082_1058052823_oHeisenberg necklaces! £8 + p&p

1537546_798167340209427_836094189_oGenuine canine toof from either a cat or a fox – I’m not sure (I found it, you see, and they didn’t leave a note.) £8 + p&p

1540315_798167213542773_261430181_oBee & Lavender. £8 + p&p

1553126_798167090209452_1075699058_oDor beetle & lavender, £8+p&p

1654791_798167413542753_1335957880_oCream coloured moth, £7 + p&p

1658436_798167433542751_1931962006_o 1795209_798167373542757_92094851_oShield beetle, £7 + p&p

1795313_798167300209431_317572572_oTulips in bottles with glass soil! £10 each + p&p

1795356_798167173542777_1692696080_o 1836695_798167126876115_1328004990_oDor beetle and lavender. £8 + p&p

1278125_701224149903747_2144094346_oSheep-teeth! Hand-pulled by me from a skull I found in the Lake District 🙂 £8 each or £8.50 with a bell on, + p&p

Thanks for looking ❤ I’ll be adding more stuff in the near future so watch this space!

Stickers! Scribbles! Seaside!

Hey all,

Since my last post some exciting things have happened! The Croydon A and B teams beat Milton Keynes Roller Derby, I quit my job at the pub and started a new one in Brighton, and kind of sort of properly moved in with Ed.

Here are a few pictures of the flat!

Mr White, my beloved polecat:

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My bit of bottles and bones…
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Sleeping cave…

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Notebooks, crafty box and some new stickers

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Salt’n’ pepper

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Now I know where Japan is.

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IMG_2601So now I’m just sitting around the flat, taking photos and drinking tea, until my first shift at the pub at 7.

I’ve moved house six times in the past four years, so it’s nice to finally have somewhere I can bed down properly in! It’s such a lovely place to live too 🙂 there are cats that come in and just sit on your lap, and there’s loads of space for me to make stuff. And don’t even get me started on the beautiful sofa.

I’m so excited for the coming weeks: tomorrow the coaches from Victorian Roller Derby are coming to teach a session at Croydon, then Sian and I are going to see Taylor Swift on Tuesday (no, I’m not joking and this is not a drill), Monday 10th I get to taxidermise a mouse, and then on the 15th is the Brighton Tattoo Convention! I’m saving my pennies hoping that I can get some work by Jaclyn Rehe or Angelique Houtkamp there. Oh, and did I mention that we’re bouting against Portsmouth on the 22nd of February? I’ll be going up against one of my all-time roller derby heroes, R.I.P. McMurphy. I really hope I get a bruise to take home…

I’ve been trying some more of  my own tattoo-esque scribblings too, though I have a lot to improve on…